This week: Did You See That? Edited by: Carol St.Ann  
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My reviewers were at odds (in a friendly, respectful WDC kind of way). As it turns out, they were right, but neither they nor I could figure out why - or what to do about it. 
Read on to learn how this unfolded. |
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Did You See That?
I’d been invited to lunch with an old friend who happens to be a multi-published author, known for her realistic descriptions and action scenes. As one does just as the main course is wrapping up and all the catching up is addressed, she asked how my latest book is going.
This was a loaded question because, at that moment in time, my book wasn’t going very well. I went on to explain that, a certain chapter contains a scene wherein my main male character (MMC) comes racing in from the street through the bustling lobby of his grand hotel, and makes a beeline for the elevator, ignoring the desk clerk who was waving frantically, trying to get his attention. Now, the point of that action is to draw my readers’ attention to MMC’s internal sense of urgency to get upstairs to his room.
She listened intently as I continued.
“When I put the chapter up for review, every reviewer asked what the desk clerk wanted. What’s wrong with them?” I demanded. “They should have been zeroing in on my character’s rushed frenzy to get upstairs. They did see his desperation, but the desk clerk question was the one they deemed more pressing. Try as I might, I edited repeatedly and no matter what clever change or alteration, the desk clerk stole the scene.” I sat back with an eye roll and fluffed my napkin in my lap, thoroughly convinced she’d heartily agree it was the reviewers’ blindness.
“That’s got to be frustrating,” she offerd. “I see the problem. I can help you with that if you like.”
I sat up straight. “Of course I want your help. What do you suggest?”
“First of all,” she said, “there’s nothing wrong with your reviewers.“ The problem is simple. You directed their attention to the desk clerk by creating peripheral activity and engaging their fight-or-flight mechanism. You unwittingly gave them no choice but to turn their attention on him,” she said. “They already know there’s been a crime; they’re on alert mode.”
At this revelation, my smugness took a powder, and embarrassment heated my face. The utter simplicity of her words and how clear it all became as she spoke was palpable. I wondered how I’d never seen it, because it’s not something one can ever miss again once one knows.
She looked down and straightened her cutlery. “The good news is, it’s an easy fix. Would you like me to continue?”
The only thing to do was nod.
“It’s easy,” she said with a knowing smile, “All you need to do is have your MMC look at the desk clerk and continue on his way, thus making the active decision to ignore him. From that moment forward, reviewers (and readers) will not be thinking of the desk clerk, because MMC intentionally disregarded him - and so can they.”
Having tried everything else, it was an easy choice to give it a whirl, enlightened but still skeptical such an easy single-sentence edit could clear this up just like that.
•======•======•
I’m guessing, at this point, I don’t have to tell you she was absolutely right. Once I made that oh-so-simple change, no reviewer has even so much as mentioned the desk clerk.
So here’s a few take-always (ummm, besides don’t be smug or stubborn  )
1. Trust your reviewers. Their intuition is golden. Every time. Even if they don’t know why they’re feeling what they’re feeling.
2. When in a conundrum, take it to writers you know are better than you. (Even round table it with a group if you need to.)
3. Reject no idea without giving it a chance.
4. The craft of writing knows no bounds. There’s always more to learn, to try, to perfect.
And finally…
5. Peripheral activity can be your downfall — or your best friend if used correctly, to indirectly direct the reader’s attention toward an off center character or object. It’s a valuable skill, very worth cultivating, and it requires balance know-how. In writing a mystery, thriller, or suspense, this nifty little writer’s tool can turn a mediocre moment into a slam dunk!
It hinges on knowing what your characters see and acknowledge or not.
Peripheral vision. Who’d’a thunk it?
Thank you for reading. See you next time.
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One Last Thing!
Remember to nominate great mysteries!
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Mystery: June 14, 2023 Issue [#12017]
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