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Hello, folks, welcome to another addition of the Comedy Newsletter!
Always great to put myself out there for a bit of a laugh. I say that because almost every newsletter is a look into my day to day life. Yes, it's true, I am all those things I write about; a klutz, a trouble magnet, a danger to all things mechanical, electrical and vegetable. I suppose the vegetable things is going overboard slightly, but wait another minute, that'll change, too.
Last autumn, when I was a mere three weeks away from my southbound journey to Florida, I had to replace my hot water heater. That was the easy part. My plumber came out the next day with help and a new water heater. Everything was set up and all was well in the Witch's House.
The next day, the water ran cold as ice, again. I called the plumbing company I've used for years and asked them if someone could take a look. I wasn't going to get my favorite plumber, as he was on a job already that day. The replacement, who came to check on the response of the heater, said that was working fine. It wasn't the new heater, it was the inability to get the electric connection over to the water heater.
Well, long story short, I needed an electrician to update the wires to the heater. Of course an electrician took a little longer than a plumber did for an appointment schedule — nearly two weeks to be exact. Cold, deep-well water showers were part of my life until then.
Nobody was more grateful to touch hot water than I was, once the electric side of the problem got fixed. Plus, I now have a favorite electrician to use. And believe me, I need one of those in the old money pit for some upgrades.
Life was sweet after that for me enjoying hot showers until the time to leave for the South, and awaiting my return this spring.
My son meets the plumber to "dewinterize" everything that was winterized in the late fall. Usually within a week or so after that, the return home is effortless so far as having power and water, Dish plus Wi-Fi, all up and working.
It sounds too good to be true, you might ask. Of course it was too good to be true. After being home for a mere three days, doing laundry with hot water a-plenty, soaking dishes in piping hot water, only to return to change the rinsing water to the sudsy wash water, my hand went cold! No, not cold due to being attached to a witch, but cold as in icy well water.
I believed I cried a few icy witch tears before admitting to myself that I would have to call the plumber. No guarantee my main plumbing guy would make it there that day, if fact none of the plumbers were available until later in the day.
I was overjoyed to find out my guy was on his way once he finished up his current job. Of course he had to travel some distance from the prior job to my place in the hills and woods .
"Oh, Eric! I'm so happy you were able to show up. Nobody understands my money pit better than you. I know my water heater is only 6 months old, and most of that time drained and winterized. I did have hot water for days, and this morning when I was doing laundry and dishes. Then it suddenly went cold. Also, the water has lost pressure. Oh, please don't tell me it's my pump." 
Eric said he'll start off in the basement and check the heater and pressure gauge. He came back upstairs after a few minutes and said the pressure was not at the maximum power. In other words, something was drawing away the pressure. A leak somewhere, perhaps?
His next step was to go upstairs and check the bathroom water supply.
I sat down, got my checkbook ready, and prayed it wasn't a serious issue that would require getting the well's pump replaced.
"Uhhhm, WebWitch? Have you or WebLock used the upstairs bathroom before the water stopped heating?" 
WebLock replied he had been upstairs a few hours earlier. The mystery was about to unfold.  You see, I have had the upstairs faucets replaced last year. They work great, except for a little creative aspect that came built in with it, they turn on and off backwards from the usual faucets. Plus, WebLock is deaf, and wouldn't hear water running upon turning toward the door. He said he was sure he turned the faucet until it was tight, in a "normal" direction, the way faucets work in other parts of the house. Since it was only the hot water side, it explains lack of heated water -- no down time to reheat it. And since it had been a few hours at least of running, that explained the lower pressure reading.
The fine upstanding and faithful plumber he is, and trying to keep from embarrassing me, not to mention the self-control by not bursting out laughing in my face, Eric said, "Actually, the upstairs faucet runs quietly. The strainer slows down the flow so there's no gushing sound that could be detected. I hadn't heard it and was about to leave the room and search elsewhere, when I looked at the faucet and saw the water coming out."
"Oh," I said. "So it was only the upstairs faucet running for hours causing all this trouble. Yay, I don't need a new pump." 
I asked Eric what I owed from the recent visit when he met with my son to turn everything on, plus his special visit on that particular day, additionally, I already had an appointment with him a few days later later to install a new kitchen faucet, so I was on a plumbing a-la-carte roll. I really should leave faucet-picking to a more knowledgeable person, like the three-year old grandson of a neighbor up the hill, because I don't seem to have luck getting replacement parts that water must run through. How dare I even think of taking another chance of killing my hot water abilities?
Eric told me we can run a tab until his next visit, just in case something comes up in between.
This is me ...  
This is also me ... 
Why "cool" you might ask?
How many people do YOU know call a plumber to turn off a faucet?
 You know one now.
That's a fingers around the water faucet, and twist-wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often! And turn off the dang faucet -- whichever way it goes!
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Joy 
 WW!
I laughed so hard, and only because misery knows company. My old smartie was an early 3G. Going through, somewhat, what you went through, I dumped AT&T and got a 5G one with Comcast, not that Comcast is any better but I already get other things with them. As you mentioned, "It is an awkward phone to hold, longer than the one I am used to." And now I have to use much larger purses when I go out, and my sons are after me for carrying a world-heavy bag on a shoulder strap.
I totally understand, Joy. I'm still looking for a phone that's similar to the one I had before this monstrosity of a phone I've been swearing at dealing with. Wish me luck! 
🌖 HuntersMoon 
Fun (and funny) newsletter. I actually love technology but, as you found out, I'm now in the era where the technology I loved is now obsolete!  Who knew I'd live so long? 
Don't complain ... think of the alternative!
Prosperous Snow celebrating 
I got me a new phone recently. The reason is that I'm able to get one of the free phones from the government. Living on a fixed income that needs fixing is difficult. I spent one whole day downloading my favorite apps.
May you have many hours of enjoyment with your favorite apps and your new phone. Oh, and the necessary uses of a phone, like the ability to make and get a phone call!!!
AND... Someone who doesn't take stand-up comedy sitting down!
d-angel222
Good evening,
Always feels odd emailing without knowing who the recipient is. It could be a robot for all I know.
Wait a minute, that would be so cool!
Sorry, I thought of something shiny and my attention drifted. Not so much a drift but a sudden handbrake turn with complete disregard for one's own safety.
That's how I roll. And I would roll if I pulled that kind of stupid manuevour.
Oh way to go D-Angel222, what a way to make a first impression on a perfectly good stranger who might be a robot. You and your stupid name.
I see I'm talking to myself again, I'll get that checked out (he won't).
In all seriousness I'm really driven into writing comedy here, I'd love for you to consider this piece for the newsletter. If you don't feature it, I'll understand completely (he really won't).
I'm a patient individual (he's desperate) and respect there are other talented comedians here (ok he's really trying to impress you, now).
If you're able to offer feedback on this work (or just put him out of his misery), that would be awesome.
(Ok he meant that last part).
Okay, then ... look above in the highlighted items. You'll see you made it into this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Thanks for the feedback! We editors really appreciate it. 
See you next month!
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Comedy: June 08, 2022 Issue [#11382]
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