This week: Phone "Phun" Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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I found out one day last week that I couldn't get a phone call. The person who tried to call me said it went straight to voicemail --which was full. Oh, wonderful! Now I have to deal with Verizon.
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter, with yours truly, WebWitch.
Most of us I hazard to guess are quite connected to our cell phones. In fact, over the years they seem to have become less of an object we pick up and more of an appendage. I admit I am one of those people.
About a week ago friend showed up at the clubhouse and mentioned he couldn't get a call through to me,that it didn't ring and went directly to voicemail. I thanked him and called up my voicemail to see if anyone else tried to reach me. My phone refused to allow me to call my voicemail. Verizon was the next step.
I had to reach them online since I couldn't make a phone call! Luckily the mobile data still worked so I could use my phone text them on their Live Chat. I told her I couldn't make a phone call with my phone.The customer service person put me on "chat-hold" and looked up my Verizon plan.
"I'm sorry, but Verizon no longer supports your prepay plan. Please call our service department at 888..." Then she cut out of the chat. I'm sitting there yelling, in text that is ... "But I can't make a phone call!!!"  Of course there was no reply.
When I got to the clubhouse to use their WIFI, I settled in and used my laptop, with a better typing keyboard to get through to them. This time, I got a customer service person. Strike that, I actually got handed off to other agents twice and asked for a supervisor which was the next person taking over the chat.
She was very nice and got to the bottom of the problem. She told me my phone was a 4G capability, but my Sim card was only 3G and it wasn't updating anymore. She said I could get a free Sim card at the Verizon store close to where I live. I thanked her and headed to Verizon, where all my troubles would end, and my weekend would return to normal.
It was a quick in and out procedure. The agent there removed the old Sim, replaced it with a new Sim, and checked to see the phone call ability by actually trying to call the Verizon 888, number.
Guess what, folks? Yup, you guessed it -- it didn't work! The service agents, yes it took 2 agents to figure out why my phone still didn't work. They explained that my phone wasn't reading the Sim card they put in, which was a 5G, but was supposed to work in my 4G phone, and that they don't carry 4G Sims anymore. I was told to try to find a place that has 4G still in stock or buy a new phone. What?!! I love my phone. It just got used to me. It understands me. The thought of having to try to train a new phone so close to the time I get on the road to head North drove me to distraction. I thanked them and headed back online to Amazon and found a Verizon 4G Sim card. I ordered it on a Friday and delivery was set for Sunday.
That Sunday the card arrived earlier in the day so I was able to go back to Verizon and get it activated. I waited my turn and watched customers trying to get their issues handled. When it was my turn I saw a familiar face. It was the guy who helped me on that Friday. I gave him the 4G Sim card and he went to work on my phone.
In the meantime, a "fraudulent" customer was with another agent just feet away from me. She was foul-mouthing and complaining that her phone didn't work. She claimed to have spent $500 on her phone, just paid her service bill and the phone still doesn't work. The agent told her that sometimes it takes a while for the service to restart. He tried to politely get her to leave the store since he figured out that either her credit payment was from a stolen card or the phone was stolen or both and she figured she could somehow pressure the guy to make her phone work.
Of course, being the instigator I am, I had to jump in and ask her, "Are you have trouble with Verizon too? I can't even make a phone call with my phone." She was more than happy to join in and go on a rant.
When she left the store, she had Verizon on the phone and was yelling at them outside the door. One agent asked the manager if he should "push the button." The button was a call alert to the Sheriff's department and that meant they'd arrive in a few minutes.
Back to me ...
"I'm sorry Ma'am your phone is not reading the new Sim card. It's your phone that's a problem. I even put my working Sim in your phone and it doesn't see it."
"I knew you guys would get around to telling me I need a new phone."
It turns out they were right, the Sim reader built into the phone was damaged somehow. In the meantime, angry lady is still yelling up a storm outside. I was looking at cheap phones inside because I needed a reliable phone for traveling. Managed to get the cheapest one that still knew how to read a Sim card. At the desk I was told I could get the phone for under five dollars a month with a new plan. They offered me an upgraded Mobile Data service for only ten dollars more a month. 
"No! I don't want to change my service, mine is grandfathered in and I'm keeping it with its rollover plan. It suits me fine. I'll pay for the phone outright and keep my plan, because, I'm certainly not going to keep this phone once I get up North.
It is an awkward phone to hold, longer than the one I am used to. It's not as fast and it definitely doesn't understand the words coming out of my fingers when I type. 
My visit there wasn't all cut and dry since I live for comedy. I had them laughing with my one liners and how I got that riled up scammer even more riled up so that I could get to see some police action right out the front door. When several Sheriff's deputies showed up, the screaming lady went to her "boyfriend's" car.
One of the Deputies came inside and asked what the call button was about. The manager asked him to step in his office to keep the calamity down to a minimum in the store front. Then WebLock entered the store after watching all the deputy cars showing up.
"What have you done, now, WebWitch?" The guys behind the counter started laughing because WebLock assumed I was the cause of all the commotion. He did know how angry I was about my phone. I played along by putting my hands behind my back like they were in handcuffs, and told WL, "They are going to take me away. I'm in real trouble. Better call Saul!" One of the customer service agents blurted out, "I love that show!"
Well, folks, I've got to say, I've never had so much fun spending time in a Verizon store. Okay, it hurt my wallet to buy a new phone, but the show that I got for my money ... Priceless!
I told the guys I'd see them next fall if I had anymore problems with Verizon, or, even if I didn't, just to say hello. One of them had relatives in Ipswich MA, the home of great clams. He understood my accent for that reason. A good time was had by all that kooky Sunday in a Verizon store -- well except for the scammer lady. She chose a bad time and the wrong store on that day. And me? It's true I hate this phone and will rid myself of it when I see my son back in my old hometown in the quiet hills, somewhere in Massachusetts.
It's a hang-up for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. 
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often !
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oldgreywolf on wheels  
I remember Boston. Assigned to Ft Devens three times, two short training stints and one permanent party. Boston: Cockney accept brought over by the Calvinists, the so-called Puritans. They didn't call themselves Puritans, they were called that by the other Europeans who hated having to deal with the Calvinist's narrow-mindedness. If a Bostonian driver is waving more than one finger at you, they're waving with both hands (two fingers; and they're steering with . . . ?) Conversely, there were a lot of friendly people in Boston, and a lot more in the rest of the state. Lived in New Hampshire several years too. The people were friendlier, more public land, less Cockney accent and more open-mindedness. Visit New England, talk with the people, observe the beautiful countryside, take a camera, and don't block traffic while oohing and ahhing over the changing foliage.
Thank you for your feedback and comments Oldgreywolf! Nothing like New England -- many different worlds woven a short distance of travel. Quaint yet so different! 
Windtalker
"I'm so out of there", huh? Eh well, nothing like knowing your trips South....and btw North again... always magically happen for you!!
Nothing like a good comedy to keep our spirits up!!
It must be my magic broom! 
Thank you for your feedback!
See you next month, folks!
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Comedy: May 11, 2022 Issue [#11349]
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