This week: Need vs Desire Edited by: StephBee More Newsletters By This Editor
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“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.” – Plato
“It’s better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.” – Brigitte Bardot
I just want to thank everyone for participating in my Ice Cream poll last month. The Answer is: It takes an average of 50 licks to lick an ice cream cone! (according to my Internet research)
August is National Romance Month! Why August? Well, it’s six months after February and that ultimate romantic holiday – Valentines’ Day. We’re all burnt out now that six months have passed. Your romantic gas tank maybe running on fumes, so August is a great opportunity to refill the tank. A great way to do this is to focus on romantic settings. Visit the beach. Find a nice park and have a picnic. (It’s National Picnic month, too!) Cards and Chocolate work well for Valentines’ Day, but what works for August? After all, August is HOT. The chocolate is melted, and the cards are singed around the edges.
Believe it or not, 18 August is “National Bad Poetry Day.” There’s plenty of bad poetry out there, so I thought I’d have some fun and share some award winning bad romantic “slam cupid” poetry from the Bard’s Hall “Slam Cupid” contest ( held in February) in my highlighted items this week.
Buutttt… let’s get back to August. --- August is HOT. Sizzling. On FIRE. And when we pick up a romance story, be it sweet, sensual, or with love scenes, we’re expecting the romance between the main characters to be hot. Intense. Passion filled. The characters often struggle with “want” (aka desire) and “need.” They might “want” the other person in the “relationship,” but do they “need” them? How do wanting and needing play into the main characters’ attraction?
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What is Desire? According to the dictionary, it’s a strong wish. One has a strong feeling of wanting/wishing something to happen. Synonyms include: wanting, wishing, longing, even craving. Desire is that first part of human bonding. “Wanting” can be intense. It clouds judgement. The characters are prone to take more risks to get what they want. The chemistry between the characters is off the charts. Examples? The other person could have eyes that set your soul on fire. Or perhaps their voice stirs the passion in your soul. You may have a million things in common. You just know you “want” to be with that person. All. The. Time. So, the big question becomes: Can you do without the person?
Desiring, wanting, longing, craving, with such intensity helps to form attachment to that other person. But depending on the intensity of that desire, will that carry the characters though to the next part of attachment – Love and “needing?”
After the “wanting” cools off, a “romance” could go 1 of 2 ways: The romantic partners had a fling and it’s over now. No attachment has been formed. Maybe they’re not much of a match emotionally. Time to move on and find another person to “desire” or…. The romantic partners are ready to explore a closeness, though while not as intense, has created a deep emotional connection and genuine appreciation of the other person. This is the “needing.” The other person has now become essential to you. Can the characters do without? Probably not. Love is sustaining. While “cooler” than desire, the deep emotional connection provides the satisfaction, as opposed to the immediate desire of physically connecting with that person.
Just briefly, next is attachment, where the characters feel secure , comfortable, and safe.
Romance is about the desire of the characters wanting each other, the events that throw them together, the physical connection, and then discovering if they have what it takes to “need” each other. When that commitment is made by the characters, that’s the satisfaction you get as a reader.
I always enjoy reading a good romance and trying to identify when the main characters cross the line from wanting/desiring their significant other to “needing” them. That’s what gives the romance story it’s richly satisfying ending.
Question for you: Where is one of your favorite romantic places to visit? The beach? A lake? An amusement park? Paris and the Eiffel Tower? (What makes the Eiffel Tower romantic anyway?) Tell me why your pick is one of your favorite romantic places to visit. I’ll share the responses in my next newsletter.
Here’s a romance I enjoyed that fits the theme of my newsletter perfectly. Where does William’s “wanting” end, and where does his “needing” of Juliette begin?
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Feedback from my Romance/Love Newsletter dated: 14 JUL 2021 “Romantic Themes.”
Mary Ann MCPhedran
Thank you for sharing your well written news letter.
Your ice cream survey is way out, because I can finish an ice cream in 4 licks LOL.
Four licks is the lowest I’ve heard yet! Glad you enjoyed the newsletter!
Monty
Stirred thought. Thank you for a fine News Letter.
You’re welcome.
StephBee is a 911 Dispatcher for LAPD. Her story, “Young Witchcraft” is now avail on Amazon as an Ebook. Will a little young witchcraft bring Joe and Rachel together or keep them apart?
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