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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/10506-Apples.html
Comedy: December 09, 2020 Issue [#10506]




 This week: Apples
  Edited by: Robert Waltz Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

If life gives you lemons, make apple juice and make people wonder how the hell you did it.
         -Gurbaksh Chahal

Relationships are like apples: they can be sweet and satisfying. But once you bite into a bad one, it's hard to go back to the barrel again.
         -John Avery

The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.
         -Che Guevara


Word from our sponsor

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Letter from the editor

This time of year is not known as a time of healthy eating. I guess people figure they can turn their lives around come January 1, when they'll make a resolution that might last at least four hours. And yet, it's always important to try to eat healthy fruits and vegetables, and really,what could be more healthy than an apple?

So here are some facts about apples:

1. "Apple" was originally a generic word for "fruit." The French equivalent word, "pomme," was also a generic word for fruit, hence "pomme de terre" for potato ("fruit of the ground") and "pomegranate" ("fruit that's as hard as a rock").

2. Apple, Inc, formerly Apple Computers, formerly "that thing Steve's cluttering the garage with can you ask him to move his stuff?" wasn't named after the fruit but after the Beatles' record company of the same name. Hence one of the early Apple computer's names, the Macintosh, which is named after a common raincoat from Liverpool.

3. An apple invented gravity. It is not known whether this apple was red or green, but at relativistic velocities it doesn't matter.

4. Johnny Appleseed is credited with introducing apples into North America, where they became an invasive species and had to be eradicated by planting kudzu.

5. Contrary to popular belief, it was not an apple that Eve ate, but rather a banana. When Adam saw this, he got Ideas and God got Angry.

6. The botanical binomial of the commonly cultivated apple tree is Malus Domestica, which four years of Latin classes taught me means "Bad Servant." Apparently nobles used to throw apples at their peons who were misbehaving.

7. When an apple is cut up for making apple pie, it generally loses its a-peel.

8. New York City is called the Big Apple because Dutch merchants traded a big apple for Manhattan Island. Later, the English took it over and corrected the spelling from "Appel."

9. Red apples get their coloration from the blood of the sacrifice victim buried under the tree's roots.

10. It's said that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away." I don't know how true this is, but I keep a few by the door to fend off roving bands of surgeons.


Yes, I cribbed this editorial from my own blog. It's December and I'm lazy.


Editor's Picks

Some funnies:

 Moe and the Joe Open in new Window. [E]
A limerick based on a cramp prompt. Didn't make the deadline, but hey. I had it written.
by Andrew Author Icon


 The Waltz Behind the Run Open in new Window. [13+]
Cramp: Robert Waltz has the little goblins in the palm of his hand.
by THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! Author Icon


 The Meeting Open in new Window. [E]
An explanation on why I'm so disorganized.
by Ajourni Author Icon


 Supporting Characters Open in new Window. [E]
What would furniture say, if it could talk?
by Ray Scrivener Author Icon


 Tarts Open in new Window. [18+]
The queen of hearts lays down the law. An adult take on an old nursery rhyme.
by Bryce Kenn Author Icon


 MEALS.MILES.SMILES Open in new Window. [13+]
Travelling via a semi-truck. How many words are there to describe "shakened"?
by SandraLynn Author Icon


 
Image Protector
Homecoming Open in new Window. [E]
A party for a returned troll.
by Beholden Author Icon


 Praying to Santa Claus? Open in new Window. [ASR]
My take on "The Prayer of Jabez".
by RatDog Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Don't forget to support our sponsor!

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Safe TopicsOpen in new Window., I talked about visiting family for the holidays and what not to talk about.

s Author Icon: There is only one safe topic of conversation.

That 'Achy Breaky Heart' is the single greatest piece of music ever written. That's it. Nothing else even comes close.


         Music is never a safe topic for conversation. Neither is country.


WakeUpAndLive~doingNaNo'24 Author Icon: Another funny newsletter. Safest topic ever? Pets! Animal puns are the best. Except pig puns are boaring.

         And grizzly puns are unbearable.


queenkissy: Thank you for including my short story. I hope it got a few laughs.

         Me too, and of the "with you" variety and not the "at you" variety!


tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J Author Icon: When it comes to conversation, the only safe bet is to sit under the Thanksgiving table and chat with my dog. It's still going to get someone worked up, but at least I'm under the table ignoring them.

         Plus you can fight the dog for table scraps!


Well... that's it for me for 2020! See you next year, and until then, as always...

LAUGH ON!!!



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