This week: Towels Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I am a big fan of white sheets, hotel bedding and white towels!
-Tessa Virtue
Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.
-Douglas Adams
Go, and never darken my towels again.
-Groucho Marx |
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Towels.
Paper towels, plastic towels, cloth towels, wood towels, metal-
Wait. No. That's dowels. I always get those two mixed up.
Hard to live without towels. Also hard to live without vowels, but the ancient Hebrews and modern Krygystans manage somehow.
You know what it would be really hard to live without? Bowels. But I suppose then your need for towels would decrease.
Owls don't need towels. They're kind of flying towels anyway, you know? All those feathers on their cowls when they're on the prowl. Fowls are useful too, but not as useful as towels.
I miss traveling. You'd always get these hotel rooms, and they'd have bright white towels, washed in boiling water and thoroughly bleached, because everyone else loves towels too, and some of those people are foul. If Housekeeping forgets to wash them, you can complain with a scowl.
And you used to be able to go to these places called "stores," where they'd have hundreds, maybe even thousands, of towels, stocked and stacked up to the roof and beyond. Gray towels, black towels, green towels, purple towels, floral print towels, infrared towels, plaid towels and, yes, even shining bright white towels.
Without towels, you'd hear some howls. They're just so useful. A nice roll of paper towels for cleaning surfaces and drying your hands, though not at the same time. Big, thirsty bath towels for drying the rest of you. Face towels so you don't have to touch your jowls. Washcloths, which are really just tiny towels, for... well, something, I suppose; I don't use them. A monogrammed set of towels, one for each cat who yowls or dog who growls, hanging from the bathroom dowels.
Why, no, social isolation hasn't affected me at all; why do you ask? |
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Comedy: April 29, 2020 Issue [#10144]
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