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 Review #4808942 |
 | Paige and Donnie  [E] A young couple's day at the beach. A fictional story.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The ending was not what I had expected when Paige wrote near the beginning that Donnie had left. I thought he left her, or left the country, or something along those lines. When they stood on the cliff, I briefly considered that there might have been an accident, or perhaps she killed him. None of those were what actually happened, but I appreciated that you left me guessing until the end - it made for quite a surprise and it was a good twist. The actual ending was quite tragic, and even more so because Paige seemed to be quite indifferent to Donnie’s plight. She didn’t even seem particularly emotional after it happened, let alone now, twelve years later when she discovered the old photograph by accident. All in all, she wasn’t the sweet girl she appeared to be at the beginning, and I found her character development very interesting. She came across as somewhat cold and detached, but perhaps that was because of the secret she had been keeping from Donnie which somehow seemed to take the edge off what happened to him. I wouldn’t go as far to say that she felt relieved she didn’t have to tell him, but she didn’t seem to feel much at all.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only noticed a few small errors: As Paige was writing this as a diary entry, the story was mostly in past tense, but there were a few occasions where you slipped into present tense, for example here: I think my baby bump and here: The fog doesn’t lift Noone was around “No one”. He apologized to me admitting what a dumb idea it was. I believe there should be a comma after “me”. We speculated on Lisa. How she lived and how she died. The second sentence is a fragment; it doesn’t have a main verb. I would suggest combining it with the first sentence.  Final Thoughts: The main thing I was missing was Paige’s emotional response to what happened. I wonder if there might be a way to show this more clearly, perhaps by her confessing to her diary how heavy the guilt has been weighing on her, or that she considered telling her daughter, or even how she dreams about telling Donnie. You could make the diary entries more personal instead of seeming quite matter of fact, as they are now. As it is, Paige didn’t come across as a nice person, and I wasn’t sure if that’s what you had intended. If it was, ignore me  Having said all that, this was quite a thought provoking tale, maybe because I was trying to figure out Paige’s character until the end. An interesting read!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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