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Review #4802728
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The Train Ride Open in new Window. [E]
An adventure riding the rails
by Seabreeze Author Icon
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#4802728
Review of The Train Ride  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings, Seabreeze!

I really enjoyed this poem, it was so fun and old-fashioned. The idea of a little kid hiding away and meeting a hobo and all coming home safe together is something that could never happen these days... *Shock2*

The point about the "smokes" reminds me of a scene from Calvin and Hobbes where Calvin's mom gives him a cigarette his grandpa left at home. Calvin goes into a coughing fit and wonders why on earth people smoke!

I like how the kid speaks simply; you've captured such a childish voice here, with a clunky rhythm like the train ride itself. A rollicking rhyming tale, great to read to kids.

I might suggest adding a line count at the end in case you would like to enter this into a contest, such as First and Second Chances by 👼intuey Author Icon

Also, at the end the kid says "what that?" Perhaps you might correct this to "what's that?" to create a smoother feel.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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