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 Review #4802561 |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I wonder what the prompt was for the story. Was it the lyrics from the song? If so, you did a great job and created a very unique story. I don’t know what it’s like in The Netherlands but here in the UK, we’ve had a sugar tax for years. It was brought in to combat childhood obesity, or so the official story goes, and it ‘may have prevented over 5,000 cases of obesity’, but I’m sure it made people miserable. As it did with the characters in this tale, and the government took it even further and put a restriction on the amount of sugar people were allowed to have. It’s one thing to explain to people that they shouldn’t do something, quite another to ration the bad things. Milk, meat, and fruit! What happened to the ‘five-a-day’ slogans they were so fond of shouting when they wanted people to eat healthy? Sorry, I’ll climb off my soapbox now. The characters in this tale put up with the madness as long as they could, restricting their sugar intake as well as taking advice on other things, including ridiculous ones. Until the narrator of this tale had enough, and apparently, she wasn’t the only one because as soon as she made her move, lots of other people followed. It had the desired effect and the powers that be saw sense. Well, one power, anyway, but it was enough. It was a start.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only noticed a couple of typos: what the government and health institutions perscribe ‘prescribe’ They have forgotton the negative aspects ‘forgotten’ There was one part of the story where I wasn’t sure who was speaking, and I wonder if that line might need clarifying. In the middle of the reception area when the protesters and the mayor were facing each other, he turned away. Then someone yelled “Attack!” and for a moment, I thought it was him, ordering the protesters to be turned out by force, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Was it the narrator who shouted the order? If so, I think a simple dialogue tag might help clarify. ”Attack!” I yelled. Having said that, I’m not sure if that is the right command here. She didn’t want the protesters to attack the mayor or the officials, she just wanted them to grab the jars of sweets, so perhaps that’s what she should be saying. ”Get the sweets!” I yelled. Or something like that.  Final Thoughts: A very thought-provoking story, and likely a metaphor for other, bigger things. It starts with a spoonful of sugar but who knows where it ends? The narrator did well documenting the events, not that anyone is likely to learn from it. The mayor was a great character as well. He only had a small part, but he saw reason, which is more than can be said for most politicians. A good story!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund (Old Version) , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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