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 Review #4801694 |
 | Starletta and the Others  [13+] Written for the Short Shots contest. A story of madness.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was an unexpected ending! One of the women did die in the end, but it wasn’t the one I expected. Not that I could really imagine Eileen to take matters into her own hands. She fantasised about it, sure; she pictured all the ways in which Starletta could come to an untimely end, and she thought about how great her life would be afterwards, without the burden of the unwanted sister-in-law – but she never would have actually harmed her. Despite her feelings and uncharitable thoughts, she was a good person at heart. She came to her aid when Starletta called to help her find some calm, she tried to assure her that everything was fine, even came up with explanations for her crazy ideas, like the cat being taken by ‘the others’ most likely just being out hunting mice. We can’t censor our feelings, just our actions, and that’s what Eileen did. No, I expected Starletta’s worries to be justified in some way, that the others, whoever they might have been, were real and had come to get her, and Eileen would find her just like she had always imagined. The actual ending came as a surprise to me.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I only have one tiny suggestion: It was what made him impossible to love, Eileen decided, his unwillingness to think about her in any capacity other than functional and reliable . The part after the second comma explains exactly what made him impossible to love, so I wondered if the sentence would work better with a colon. There is also a space before the period at the end that shouldn’t be there. You mentioned in the description that this was written for Short Shots and I’m always curious what inspired a story, so I tried to find out what the prompt was for that particular month. The official contests have the disadvantage that the prompt is lost when the next contest is posted, so I looked at the site news to see if I could find it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t work it out, and I would always recommend posting the prompt at the end of the story or using the image prompt as the thumbnail if possible. I don’t suppose you remember what it was after all this time, but it might be worth bearing in mind for the next one.  Final Thoughts: I liked the final paragraph, the poetic tone juxtaposed with the main character dying so violently. For all the horrible thoughts she had about her sister-in-law, I’m sure she didn’t deserve this. She tried to do her best for her, anyway. We never found out what was going on in Starletta’s head and why she killed the only person who seemed to be willing to take care of her. Perhaps ‘the others’ did get her after all, only not physically like the readers would have expected earlier in the tale but mentally. A good story!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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