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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4799697
Review #4799697
Viewing a review of:
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Promptly 4 and 5 Open in new Window. [13+]
Poems for years 4 and 5 of the Promptly Poetry Challenge.
by Beholden Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Nightshift" Open in new Window.
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Beholden!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Ah, the nightshift. For a second it seemed like you were dreaming up an imaginary horror figure when you said "those pale creatures..." But the rest of the poem is firmly planted in reality.

It's a hard, thankless sort of career choice, one which can uproot your sleep/wake patterns for the rest of your life. When I was a kid we had an elderly neighbor who only came out at night because of working the night shift all his life. I used to joke he must be a vampire because he had the unnerving habit of snooping around our yard under cover of darkness... Neighbors *Irritated*

Anyway, I can't think of anything to suggest for improvement here. Maybe an extra word or two about how being awake at night messes with your life and how long it takes to recover... Or perhaps adjust the "pale creatures" to something more human. But don't mind me—I'm working for the BEAR project *Laugh*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4799697