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Review #4797525
Viewing a review of:
 Metis Saved Me Open in new Window. [E]
I take you through my experience of how a small and beautiful bird saved me from alcohol.
by Elonmanthoughts Author Icon
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#4797525
Review of Metis Saved Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings and welcome to WdC, Elon!

We meet again, as I do my daily review to maintain a weekly streak. I saw this on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it looked promising.

I wonder how many people think this is a true story. You've written something which feels almost unwittingly vulnerable, narrating from the point of view of someone who has nothing left to live for but the birds in the park. By the kindness of a stranger, he acquires the binoculars which open a new world up to his jaded eyes, one which engages him and draws him away from the meaningless void of addiction.

I like to think the man sees himself reflected in the scrappy family of birds struggling to survive on the streets, and as he feeds them he is in a way feeding himself as well. Their power of flight reminds him he can escape his situation if he wants to, or if someone would just help him out a little.

Remember what I said before about Size 4 Verdana font; it makes a delightful difference in the way your writing looks to others. Also, a line break between each piece of dialogue is recommended, rather than running it all into a single paragraph.
And the genres again: "Philosophical" and "Drama" would be good choices for this quiet, thoughtful "kitchen sink" piece.

At the fifth sentence, I would suggest adding a "don't" to the explanation that the narrator knows nothing about birds. Oh yeah, and if you're going to say "sh*t," the item is no longer rated E. Just a friendly note *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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