\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4797208
Review #4797208
Viewing a review of:
 The Olerid & The Chef  Open in new Window. [E]
A chef struggles to ask out a peculiar alien woman on a date and confess his feelings.
by MK Lowery Author Icon
Credit this reviewer
#4797208
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com, Michael!

I’ve seen your work before but was never quite sure of what I thought about it enough to write you a good review. This one caught my fancy for some reason when I saw it on the sidebar.

I like it; it’s a simple, cozy sort of tale with a futuristic twist. The subtle themes behind the two vastly different species coming together and appreciating each other are thoughtful, as the metaphor extends to human interactions as well. We often feel unsure or awkward reaching out to those who appear different from us, and James’ hesitation to speak to the one he’s attracted to is instantly relatable as well as comfortably trite.

Simple formatting fixes which are highly recommended around here for a smoother reading experience include: Size 4 Verdana font, double spaces or indented lines rather than running everything into one single block, and I also noticed you forgot to place a scene divider at “longed and hoped for.” The next paragraph indicates a new scene, their first date, but the only way I realized that is when you described her new outfit. You can access all the required formatting tools in the row of tiles above the text entry box. Our proprietary markup language is quite simple, built around use of {…}, known as “curly brackets.” A word count at the top is also helpful so we know what we’re getting into, especially since you have the author name and title repeated there anyway. We also like to encourage the use of all three genres so people can find items more easily when browsing. It also helps your work be nominated for Quill Genre awards. I think “Career,” “Relationship,” or “Friendship” would do.

Now, I’m not really a romance reader, so as I read this I kept looking for something more dramatic to happen. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine the way it is, but a few thoughts follow on how to add interest and make it run a little deeper than a trite meet story…

Characters are the most important part of your story, and bringing them fully to life is crucial. Development of character traits, such as an endearing flaw or a quirky habit, helps add interest and engagement. Conflict and tension keeps the stakes high and leads to a character arc as the protagonist discovers something about themselves or the world around them by achieving goals and forging relationships through obstacles at high stakes. What’s the payoff for James if he makes this relationship work? What sad state will he be in if he fails? The stakes could be a little higher to keep us engaged with the narrative.

And now a final note, one which you might find terribly insulting… how much AI generation went into this piece? I seem to detect certain generalizing phrases which AI chat bots like to use. I won’t paste it into an AI content detector because they’re notoriously inaccurate. I’m probably being hyper sensitive because I don’t know you. Just ignore this paragraph *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/28/2025 @ 4:22pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4797208