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 Review #4796581 |
 | Lane 96  [13+] A short story about a mysterious highway in the middle of nowhere.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Ah, one of those mysteries that will never be explained, and the main character will always wonder if he had some kind of mental episode or if it actually happened, and if so, what it was. I liked how you started the tale, with a description of the lane and the two spheres approaching. After all, the story was named after the lane so it’s only fair that it gets mentioned first. The main character doesn’t get named until the second paragraph, and generally, the advice is to introduce the character straight away, but it worked here to do it the other way around. The events were quite baffling, both for Brian and for the readers, and it made me wonder if the city with its lights and colours was a metaphor for something that I didn’t quite grasp. I looked for the explanation in the paragraphs leading up to it, Brian visiting his aunt and his childhood memories, but I couldn’t make the connection. The traumatic event that had affected his aunt was particularly intriguing, and I expected the story to circle back to that somehow since it was important enough to mention, but it didn’t seem to do that.  Suggestions: The story was very polished but I do have a few suggestions: Brian appeared hellbent on finding out more about this city. Who did he appear hellbent to? To me, ‘appear’ seems to indicate that he was not alone. I would suggest going with a simple, “Brian was hellbent…” to make sure you stay in his head and not someone else’s. Jumping out of it’s way You need “its” without the apostrophe to show ownership or possession. SCREEEEEECH! This one might be personal preference, but to me, sound effects don’t work in stories. You don’t need it here anyway as the following sentence where he slammed on the breaks explains what is happening.  Final Thoughts: I would have liked to know what the vision of the city was all about and what was chasing him in the woods. I might have missed a hint of what it was, or perhaps it needs a stronger hint if there was one. As it is, the story has an unfinished feel; it left me with a lot of questions to which I couldn’t find any answers. Still, it was an intriguing read and it was fun to speculate what it might be about.   A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/23/2025 @ 11:45pm EST