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The Portrait ![]() A six year old's dream of being a Flamenco dancer ![]() |
Hello, Dragonfly ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ~ The first line has a typo: ...loved going [to] visit... Also in this paragraph, spell out the age with dashes, Six-year-old ~ Second paragraph: Looking up at the portrait... - I wanted more description in this paragraph to bring it alive visually. It tells us the portrait is realistic, but describe it out more so we can picture it further in our minds. ~ In this line, Suddenly, the music..., consider tightening it up because of the double wording of 'stadium'. It could be combined into one sentence to smooth it out. ~ She could stay admiring it for hours, for she never tired of looking at it. - Formatting error. It needs to be backspaced to line it up and smoothed out because I think it's basically saying the same thing. ~ I thought it would've been nice to have some dialog to show the emotion of the scene. Theresa and Lucy are best friends so a conversation would be a natural one to have about Carmela, which from the perspective of six-year-olds would add a different element to the story and further Theresa's admiration of Carmela. I wasn't sure where Carmela was but even to have dialog between her, too, would be fun. Just my two cents worth. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ~Lornda ![]() ![]()
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