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 Review #4790706 |
 | Touching the Hand of Fate (2nd Place)  [E] Kara's life was full of activity, and deadlines, but it wasn't always so.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I didn’t see that coming! When Kara remembered the time in the cabin when she was eight, I thought that was all it was, a memory. But you took the tale in a quite unexpected direction which made for a very intriguing read. It wasn’t until half-way through the ‘memory’ that it became clear what was happening, and I loved the surprise. The first part of the story was quite depressing. She struggled with her workload, hardly took any leave and didn’t even find time to spend time with her family. Her father hid his disappointment well, and that part was well written because it came across very well regardless. His personality came across quite clearly, as did Kara’s, and I felt for her, stuck in a life she hated and that would ultimately grind her down, unless she decided to do something about it.  Suggestions: The story was quite polished but I noticed a few small errors: “I’m so sorry.” The dark complected gentleman said. The period at the end of the speech should be a comma as the sentence continues with the dialogue tag (which should begin with a lowercase letter in “the”). This error happened a few times, if you want to check the other bits of dialogue. “I’m ok.” She replied staring down at the cheese sauce down her front. Same error as above. You also need a comma after “replied”, and the repetition of the word “down” is quite noticeable here. I would suggest omitting the first one. You still coming up to the cabin this next week? “this” week, or “next” week? You understand don’t you? This needs a comma after “understand” to separate the main clause from the tag question.  Final Thoughts: I can’t see the image in the middle of the story (which was probably the prompt for this tale) but I assume it shows a little girl looking out of the window as you described in the paragraph that started, Her eyes drifted to the window…. If so, the story was a very creative take on the prompt, and the thought of her reaching out across time to give her younger self a message was great. Well, it wasn’t really an intentional message, and she had forgotten it until that moment, but now that she had remembered, I was curious if she would do something about it. The ending doesn’t say which way this is going to go, but if I’m judging the character correctly, especially the young girl who loved adventure, she will. My favourite line was the fingertips touching right at the end; that was a beautiful and quite powerful image. A great story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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