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 Review #4789832 |
 | Fog of Uncertainty  [18+] Ryn Morgan struggles with failure and discontent. Will she survive or see the light?  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I had hoped for a happy ending, but it wasn’t to be. There was that voice which made me think she would surely reconsider. She even went to great lengths to uncover the source of it but couldn’t find it. I assume it was her own inner voice - it certainly wasn’t her mother’s because she could hear that at the end, and it was totally different and she recognised it immediately. Regardless of whose voice it was, she ended up ignoring it. I could relate to a lot of her thoughts in this tale, especially the nonsensical ones, like her not doing the cleaning resulting in the house falling apart. My own thought processes tend to be similarly dramatic, going from something quite minor to a major catastrophe in a split second. The whispers she heard in her head when she thought about people’s reactions to what she was about to do - those conversations are by default one-sided and we can only imagine what other people might say, and from experience, we never get it right and those exchanges are never what actually happens.  Suggestions: I noticed a few small errors: what would have happen next “what would have happened” or “what would happen”. There were countless night she lay awake “nights”, plural would they treat her like an embarrassment and never looked at with love “never look at her with love”, maybe? When she blinked, think lashes disposed a black tear that slowly made it's way “thick lashes”, and you need “its” without the apostrophe, meaning ‘belonging to it’. pulling out an envelop … stuffed it into the envelop “envelope” gulped down then entire glass “the” her eyes become too heavy “became”, past tense.  Final Thoughts: That looks like a long list but these are mainly just typos that are easy to fix. The story itself was well written and I found it easy to imagine the scene. The main character’s personality came across well, and the ending was particularly sad when her mother’s voice in her head took one last opportunity to put her down. A good read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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