%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4789723 |
 |  | The Devil's Rope - Chapter One  [13+] "The First Chapter" Contest  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a good hook. I have to admit that I thought the beginning was a tad slow, but by the end of the chapter, I was keen to read on. You got the mix just right - you gave the readers a lot to think about, and you answered just enough of their questions to satisfy their curiosity but keep them interested. I was glad that you explained the title because I had no idea what ‘devil’s rope’ referred to, but there were plenty of other things you didn’t explain, like who exactly Eli was. The main character was well drawn and I felt I got to know enough about his personality to want to follow him on his journey, but you left plenty of room for character development later on. The setting was interesting and you described the scenes well.  Suggestions: The chapter was quite polished but I noticed a few typos: is father had been awarded what is now known as Parker's Cabin You changed tense there; it should be “what was now known”. Following its ghostly howel, the wind ran I think that was meant to say “howl”. sensation of suffocating left him grasping for air “gasping” the lighting and the thunder “lightning” "he's back." “He” should be capitalised. refilled both his and Parker's tumbler “tumblers”, plural "Ei...pa. Eli's back." I wasn’t sure if that was meant to be some kind of exclamation at the beginning or if it meant to say “Eli”. Also, “Pa” should be capitalised as it’s a direct address (that error happened a couple of times). I would also suggest choosing a few genres other than ‘contest’ and ‘other’. There are many different ways this story could be going - paranormal or supernatural, horror, western, for example - and you might attract more readers if you gave them an indication what kind of tale this is going to be.  Final Thoughts: The last line was great and is sure to make readers want to read on to find out the backstory. It’s also interesting that this was never mentioned before - the main character is clearly familiar with Eli but unaware that he’s dead, and I was curious why that was. The story started to pick up when Parker spotted the hat and the cut wire, and the action that followed was nicely written to convey the urgency of the situation and the main character’s near panic. It was a good start!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 12/11/2024 @ 8:37pm EST