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Review #4785990
Viewing a review of:
 LONLEY bucket Open in new Window. [E]
Our mind is just a bucket.
by Dangsoon Author Icon
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#4785990
Review of LONLEY bucket  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

         What a fascinating subject, which you've chosen to approach with a creative and hopeful metaphor. I love philosophy and contemplations of our minds and how we interact with others and ourselves. You have here a very important thought: though we struggle with feelings of failure and falling short, we should always try our best to press onward and engage ourselves.

         Now, first off I noticed the word "Lonely" is misspelled in the title. You have also chosen to use the term "fulfill" instead of simply "fill." This is a stylistic choice which fits well with your metaphor and doesn't exactly come across as a mistake when we realize you are indeed speaking about the search for fulfillment.

         Then, I noticed you drop the sentence at the end, just when you were getting started with a deeper exploration of the subject. This seems like a simple copy-paste error; I noticed you have duplicated this item in your port, and neither one keeps going past this point. I would suggest returning to this item and adding what you were intending to say... Unless you've run out of ideas.

          I might help you here. If we continue with the same metaphor, we can think of the "leaking" as what we pour out into the world from ourselves. In this case, we need to remember to fill ourselves up with only the best and purest "water" so we can pass it on to others.

This has tons of potential as a lovely, thoughtful philosophical essay. I'd enjoy stopping by to see if you expand it.

Thanks for sharing, take care and by all means keep writing *HeartT*
*Gemv* *Angel*



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