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 Review #4785808 |
 | Respect Still Matters  [E] Two teens show their parents and classmates that respect is still important in life.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: You filed this as ‘fiction’ and there is no indication that it might be a true story, except it reads like you wrote from personal experience. Now, twenty four years after you wrote this tale and forty two years after it was set, the events sound quite unbelievable. To imagine a bunch of boys, not quite young men, being impressed by this kind of speech doesn’t ring true. Respect is only something they demand for themselves, or something they give because of the display of strength. It’s a concept that has changed its meaning entirely. And a couple of kids who get dragged in front of all their friends to be praised by their parents - I’m pretty sure that would make them the laughing stock at school, and no one would learn anything from it except that those two are soft. It’s interesting how different everyone’s reaction was in this tale. The boys actually seem impressed, the girls feel that this ‘respect’ is something they would like to experience themselves. The emphasis on the four-letter word made me chuckle, but it was a big deal in this story where, again, these days no one bats an eyelid - it’s just a word.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any errors, but I do have a couple of suggestions (not that you’re likely going to want to edit the story after all these years, but just in case): “Well,” I said to myself, better just wait and see what he has to say and go from there.” As he didn’t actually say this out loud, not even to himself, I would suggest putting it in italics to indicate those were his thoughts. You could either replace ‘I said to myself’ with ‘I thought to myself’ or omit it altogether as it would be clear that he was thinking this. If you don’t want to do that and want to keep the speech marks instead, you need one before ‘better’. The same again here: “He sounds happy!” I thought - I would put his thoughts in italics and omit the dialogue tag. He’s taken Alisha out about 5 times now I’m not totally sure what the rules are - I have received conflicting advice in the past - but numbers below ten should be spelled out, like ‘five’.  Final Thoughts: This was an interesting tale that seemed to be set at a time that was far more innocent than today, and it made me think that a little of that innocence wouldn’t go amiss these days. It would be nice to think that people might actually learn from a good example rather than seeing it as an opportunity to feel offended at being shown their own shortcomings and reacting quite differently. In that respect this was an uplifting story that showed how things can improve when good people take the initiative and try to show others a better path. I tried to see it as such rather than reading it with my rather cynical view and finding it too utopian, because we can all use a bit of hope for the future at times!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 11/17/2024 @ 5:19pm EST