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 Review #4781925 |
 | The Hat  [E] I found this hat... my first attempt at writing a short story. PLEASE read it and enjoy!  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This was such a sweet story, I read it twice. The gift from the boy’s grandfather was precious to him - the last gift before the grandfather had died. When it was lost, the boy was heartbroken and inconsolable, so the narrator turned up just at the right time, with the lost hat. I liked the boy’s reaction as well as his explanation why this hat meant so much to him. In a few words, you gave the readers a sense of who he is. He missed his grandfather, which in itself was a nice thing. Not all children are close to their grandparents, but this one apparently came from a close family where they valued each other. The narrator came across very well, too. He could have simply left the hat on the ground, like other people did (although you said it probably hadn’t been there long), but instead he chooses this small act of kindness and sets out to find the owner of the hat.  Suggestions: I didn’t notice any errors, and since this isn’t a new story, you might not be interested in edits. If you are looking for areas to improve, I would suggest adding a few descriptions. You said they were in a busy spot and the boy sat on a bench, but that was pretty much it. Was it a park, or were they in the middle of the city? I struggled to picture where they were and I think it would help to have a few more details. Similarly, you described the boy briefly but you could say more about him by, for example, saying how his voice wavered when he spoke about his grandfather, or something like that. It would have fleshed out his character a little.  Final Thoughts: The dialogue felt very natural and the boy’s outburst when he was reunited with his hat made it easy to imagine the scene. I liked that this was just an ordinary story of a small event, but it was packed with emotion and I’m sure readers will remember it.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 10/24/2024 @ 4:45pm EDT