%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4781369 |
 |  | Spark of friendship  [ASR] This is a small tribute to LGBT month.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: It’s a shame that the story didn’t qualify for the contest it was written for, but I’m glad you posted it anyway. I have a few of those where the finished product didn’t quite meet the requirements, but they’re still good stories and deserve to be read. I like the first paragraph you wrote to explain - it was a good introduction to the story. The tale itself was nicely written and although you didn’t give the readers much about the background of the characters, I felt I got to know them quite well. All we needed to know was the relationship between them, how they were friends but then lost touch, and how they met again. They had never considered their friendship to be anything more than that, and it took a very brave decision for them to discover if it could be more. It clearly wasn’t easy for them, and you showed their emotions very well at that point.  Suggestions: The story was quite polished but I do have one suggestion. There was a sentence structure you used recurrently and I wasn’t sure if this was the best way to express it. For example, in this sentence: “You haven’t found that special someone yet, either?” Wincing, John asked. In my opinion, that would read better as John asked, wincing. Or better still, show the readers what he was doing; say he pulled his face into a grimace or averted his eyes in embarrassment, or something like that. The same goes for the other times you used the same sentence structure: “I guess…” Gulping, John replied. “Wow…” Blushing, John whispered. Catching his breath, he said. Uncertain, he asked. You could use those lines to tell the readers a bit more about the characters rather than just using a simple dialogue tag.  Final Thoughts: The last sentence was nice and a fitting ending for the tale. In fact, the whole last paragraph was well done. For a moment, when I read that they had drawn an audience, I feared that the people watching them weren’t going to be understanding, but the opposite was true. It was a good story with a happy ending, and I enjoyed the read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 10/18/2024 @ 8:24pm EDT