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 Review #4779409 |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a very moving story, and you got the emotions of the characters across well. It wasn’t hard to imagine the scene - the confused man and the woman running away in tears - and pretty much after the opening paragraph, I wanted to know what had caused this, so it was a great hook. You kept it a secret until near the end, which was well done to keep the readers curious. In between, you gave them the details about both characters as they went their separate ways (for a while) and the readers learned a lot about their personalities. I liked how you structured this tale - I think it worked very well to keep the readers interested while at the same time working on the character development. The reasons for Amber’s behaviour were quite shocking, but by now, the readers knew enough about Jeff to anticipate his reaction.  Suggestions: This story is quite old so you might not be interested in editing it, but in case you are, I noticed a few small errors: “I’m sorry.” He said. As the sentence continues after the speech with a dialogue tag, you need a comma instead of a period and a lower case letter in “he” - “I’m sorry,” he said. You might want to check the rest of the story; this error happened a couple of times. looking back over her should at her purse Just a typo, “shoulder”. where her purse lie I think that was meant to say “lay”. be there in a bout 15 minutes “about” outside out town “outside of town”  Final Thoughts: One of the genres said this was a contest entry, and I’m always curious what inspired a story so I would recommend including a link to the contest in the story as well as the prompt (if there was one). Casual readers aren’t going to judge you on how well you used the prompt, it just helps to know why a story was written. You probably don’t remember what it was, but it might be a good idea to bear it in mind for future stories. I thought this was a good story and I enjoyed the read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/29/2024 @ 10:16pm EDT