\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4778111
Review #4778111
Viewing a review of:
 The one for me Open in new Window. [E]
love is greater than everything
by fote Author Icon
Review of The one for me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary fote Author Icon,

In your poem, "The one for me," there's anaphora at work, driving heavily a poem with lines beginning with the question introduction, "Are you for me..." I like these considerations, but worry about it being monotonous, or even self-centered, to a reader. I think interchanging a few words in those questions helps break it up to give more of a weaving read, as with the last lines of this poem did. You can move the best of the questions words to the front and end the line, "is what I ask myself," to break it up.

While poetic and romantic in nature, I wonder if the words are intended to be heard or more of an internal monologue, as if trying to decide. It starts out that way, but the poet drifts dreamily into more poetic language than at the outset. The poetic devices come out with imagery, and make great associations from mountains to music and ocean shores, as it's all encompassing. It feels like something that considers every last detail in this litany.

However, the poem shifts gears at the end and describes for a reader that final question that feels ceremonial, like the speaker is summing up and making a vow. It's roughly landing in line two after 'heaven' and 'infinity' are misspelled, and the grammar game is a bit off before the last line. But, excitedly it ends, as it breaks from exposition to a joyful turn to audience with news of a positive return response. It's as if this poem is something recited before vows. I note the great space between the driving "Are you for me's," like putting away a note card to take the betrothed one's hand and the final words spoken.

It's not really matrimonial, but has that feel. And the question with 'for me' feels heavy and yet, like wondering if this is the right one. If it had been spoken "Are you...the hope," or "Are you...the never ending journey," I would love this so much more. Removing the personal pronoun and directly asking these questionings so poignantly with flattery and love would move many a reader. It feels rough around the edges and has so much raw power waiting to link up.

It's a pleasure to consider this poem and the questions are really well laid out and sound great, except 'violins' that scream. I'd reconsider that. Pianos crying? Maybe, but consider them elegant, with percussive sounds from hammers and wire strings that resonate from levered ivory so joyously and delicately. There are many things, from how pianos of any size, produce sound. Just the right one here could suggest a grand piano, which is a beautiful and majestic sight.

Thanks for sharing this poem, Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


Is this poem for me?
Yes shall be my answer, the one for me!

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4778111