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Review #4777596
Viewing a review of:
 Emergency Escape Open in new Window. [13+]
You have to leave your home in a hurry, what three items are you taking with you? WC: 349
by John Johnny Johnson Author Icon
Review of Emergency Escape  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Johnny, and thank you for requesting a review.

I really enjoyed this. I can see you put a good bit of thought into the three things Samson chose to take with him, and it looks like it would make not only a great flash fiction but also the introduction to an exciting series or longer story.

Now, the first thing I noticed is your title… I think the word “emergency” is misspelled.
Second, I noticed you used at least three different words to identify Samson’s mom: “mums,” “mama,” and “mother.” Also, in the second paragraph she’s named Amber and in the next one she’s Samantha. Is the “mama” his grandmother? I know people use a ton of different pet names for their grannies, and it gets confusing sometimes, “Nana” and “Nona” and “gran-gran” and all that. You need to specify who she is exactly.
Third, I didn’t quite catch what exactly the “hiking and hunting trips” were for if not for “hiking and hunting…” how exactly did Samson’s father misunderstand the purpose of them? I should think a sturdy knife would always be a good idea out in the wilderness (not that the Welsh wilderness is as threatening as the American version, I’m sure *Laugh*)

Aside from that, this was well written and an excellent little read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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