%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4776330 |
 | A walk in the countryside  [13+] A vignette. A field full of cows. What could go wrong?  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Okay, I have to ask: How did the story end?!  As this is in a folder called ‘Contest Entries’, my guess is that this was written for the cliffhanger contest. And what a cliffhanger it was! You left your narrator in a field being chased by a bull, with no apparent way to escape. He had a long way to go, either forwards or back, and as soon as he had chosen a direction, the bull was after him. As I was reading, and without knowing how it would end, I wondered if he was mistaken, if perhaps the bull hadn’t paid any attention to him, if it was maybe a cow trotting around the field, or if he was, as he thought, having a heart attack and what he could hear was the pounding of his heart, not hooves. But his worst fears were coming true - fears that you had foreshadowed nicely at the start of the story when you mentioned that his mother had warned him about the bulls when he was a child. Then I figured the birthday party and the hangover might have something to do with what he was experiencing - but no, you didn’t give him a break.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only noticed a couple of typos: I’ld go back “I’d” It’s was if it was foretelling “as” instead of “was”  Final Thoughts: I liked the narrator; all he was trying to do was walk off a bad headache and he got into this rather precarious situation. I wondered if you did have a better ending planned for him rather than being trampled by an angry bull. The beauty of a cliffhanger is that there are usually options, and perhaps he was mistaken when he turned around and saw the bull chasing him. If only the story continued instead of ending where it did! There were some nice descriptions, and I particularly liked the parts where the sun suddenly disappeared, leaving the narrator with a sense of foreboding, and where he was telling himself off for being afraid. That line showed the readers a bit about his personality and it was funny at the same time. I liked the story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A Review from: "
You responded to this review 09/16/2024 @ 7:03pm EDT