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 Review #4776193 |
 | The 23 Enigma  [E] Cramp Entry: Chelsea and Dillon await the news that he may receive a power untold.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I was looking for something to review for your anniversary and I spotted this story without any ratings, so I’m here to remedy that. And I’m glad I clicked on it because it’s really unusual and interesting. You’ve created an intriguing world here, and I was wondering if this is the beginning of a longer work because it seems like you have given it a lot of thought. There were a lot of details that made it easy for the readers to understand what was going on, and you explained the title perfectly in the story. I liked the opening and closing lines which provided a nice frame for the tale. As I was reading, I wasn’t sure what kind of story this was going to be. For a while, I thought Dillon wasn’t going to be the vessel and they worried, or hoped, for nothing, but it would turn out for the best. But that’s not how this went. Still, there was hope - the force didn’t have to be a bad thing; it could be the light rather than the dark that won, even after the terrifying transformation. Dillon punching his mother was surely an accident, and him caring for her afterwards and wanting her to forget was a nice thing. And then you threw that closing line at the readers and left no doubt about the outcome.  Suggestions: The story was very well written and I didn’t notice any errors, but I do have one tiny suggestion: smacking Chelsea hard under her chin, knocking her back into the wall with a hard thud The repetition of “hard” was quite noticeable here; I would probably either replace one or omit the first one.  Final Thoughts: I’m always curious what inspired a story, and since this is a Cramp entry, I wondered what the prompt was. Whatever it was, I’m in awe of how you turned it into this tale with so much detail. The two characters were very well drawn and I could imagine them waiting for the news. And I want to know how the story continues, what exactly Dillon’s powers were and how he was going to use them. A good story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/15/2024 @ 6:48pm EDT