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 Review #4775853 |
 | Eternity in Monochrome  [13+] Ink on paper gives immortality to some. A demon sends a writer 100 years into the future.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I recognised the picture and I assume this story was written for the August 2023 ‘Short Shots’ contest, but the reason I clicked on it was the short description which made me curious. The title was very intriguing, too, but the meaning didn't become clear until quite late in the story. I liked the ‘story within a story’ structure, which worked very well here to tell two tales in one. The narrator provided the setting, but it was the writer who told the main story. And it was just as interesting as the description promised. The writer was a great character. He had that dream that many of us have, to write something so great that it will never be forgotten. He achieved it, in a way, although ironically, immortality didn’t seem to last forever for him since it seemed that the world had ended at some point after the plaque for his novel had been put in The National Hall of Literary Fame. Still, it was what he had dreamed of.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only have a couple of suggestions: Not remembering his name, I motioned, what’s his name? Mama-san silently replied, Watanabe. I couldn’t actually imagine how this exchange took place. The narrator ‘motioned’ the question and she replied ‘silently’. You don’t use any speech marks so it looks like those words weren’t spoken, so did they mouth them? It might just be me but I couldn’t quite visualise this. I preceded deeper into the building I think that was meant to say, “proceeded”.  Final Thoughts: I liked how the other people in the bar stopped what they were doing and listened to the story, to the point that the pizza caught on fire because no one was paying attention to it. That in itself is every writer’s dream, to have everyone’s full attention while they are listening to or reading a story, and I thought it was well done. I had to look up what salarymen are (at first I thought it was a typo and you meant salesmen, but when you used the term again I asked Google and found out what it meant). I’m always happy to learn a new word! The ending was a little ambiguous (not a criticism; I actually thought it worked very well for the story) and I wondered if the date on the plaque, the day the writer died, was that day, or if there was something else going on that I didn’t quite grasp. Either way, I liked the story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 09/13/2024 @ 9:27pm EDT