I write this review as part of my forum "The Advisor is IN" [ASR]. Check it out if you like.
As I read this horrific tale of friendship, guilt, and loss, the suicide of your friend Phoebe happened more than 20 years ago. I am so glad that you found some words to acknowledge and deal with this tragedy.
To be the one to find her and to be the one to suffer those moments in your dreams is heartbreaking. I feel for you in finding language to cope with such a drama in your life. Therefore I hope you, as they frequently say, managed to give it a place in your life. Otherwise, this is the kind of event that can fester in your psyche.
I was very touched by your story. And I think it's very brave to put the tale out there. May you find words and more words to describe your friendship and time with your friend. It can only heal you.
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