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 Review #4775698 |
 | Lilly of the Valley: Prologue  [E] A lost princess is found; the world clock begins again. Prologue.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This was a very interesting beginning. I have to admit that I found the format a little confusing. The account of the meeting with the king - was that written by the narrator or by her parents? I guess it will become clearer as the story continues. There were the first three paragraphs that provided a brief explanation of what this account was, then the beginning of a letter addressed to the narrator’s child, and then the actual account of the events. So three different beginnings which is probably a bit much considering that the readers don’t know the characters yet nor the setting. Once the story got going, it was quite intriguing. The idea of splitting the kingdom like that isn’t something I’ve ever come across in other stories so I found it very original, and the way the different characters presented the pros and cons worked well to tell the readers a little about their personalities. I felt the king came across the best and his reservations and arguments were well presented to show how he was feeling, although towards the end the conversations started to circle a little and came across as a bit repetitive.  Suggestions: I noticed a few small errors: "Is there any other plan than to spilt my kingdom in half?" Just a typo, “split” instead of “spilt”. who cannot or will not to fight You don’t need the “to” there. the decision to splt the Kingdom is both wise and troublesome Again, it should be “split”. stand on the side of my son is a good as “as good as”  Final Thoughts: I liked the premise of this story and I can see a few possible ways where this might be going. The last line worked well to end the conversation because it made a good point, but I think it would have helped to include a bit more of a hint of what would happen next to pique the readers’ interest. You have clearly put a lot of thought into this world and the characters and it was a unique idea. I enjoyed the read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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