Hi hihohyena,


This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of wonder and joy. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if Ali will become more involved in the festivities. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a shy girl who goes to a festival, trying to keep to herself. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The story concentrates on Ali, and she comes across as a real person. There is only two lines of dialogue, and they are well done and realistic. The jester speaks like a real person. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:


1)the jester handled themselves.-Should read "these jesters handled themselves."

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.