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 Review #4774773 |
 | The Price of Safety  [18+] Entry to the "What A Character" writing contest in November.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: It took me a while to figure out who the narrator was. Perhaps I should have guessed it when he jumped the first guard and, truth be told, I couldn’t quite imagine the manoeuvre he described (landing feet first on his back and holding on to his shirt, while he was standing up?) but I thought he was just very skilled at what he did. It was only later, when you said he was tough enough to take down adults that I started to understand. A few sentences later, you said the building he lived in hadn’t been used since before he was born, and then that the apartment was 16 years old. He was a kid. I thought the way you revealed the information was skilfully done. After that, it all fell into place, especially when you explained his motivation for the raids. I remember this contest - I entered it as well with a side story about one of my NaNo characters. I think you used the prompt quite well and showed why he thought he wasn’t the bad guy. What was he to do? He lived on the street (kind of) and he had to be tough. His reasoning came across very clearly in this tale, and I couldn’t help but feel for him and his rather tragic life story.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only noticed a couple of small errors: to make it the nearby alley I think there is a word missing. “to make it to the nearby alley”? There weren’t as many cars around tonight as there was last night. I think that should say, “as there were last night”. My main suggestion is regarding the contest prompt. As this was written for the official contest, the prompts disappear after a few months and are replaced by new ones. I would include it either at the beginning or the end of the story so that readers know what inspired the tale. It’s not that they are going to judge how well you used it, but it’s interesting to know.  Final Thoughts: I thought the part about him and his friend was particularly well done. For most of the story, the narrator came across as rather smug, but here, he revealed why he had to become the best to make sure something like that would never happen to him again, and it became clear that to begin with, he hadn’t been as arrogant and he appeared now. It made sense - he was younger and more vulnerable, and the way he was now was a result of that one time when someone took advantage of him. I felt I got to know him quite well in this story and especially that section. I liked the story!  Come and join the fun at "WDC Dragon Vale " !  ** Image ID #2154080 Unavailable **  A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/28/2024 @ 11:18am EDT