Hi Darkscape Entertainment ;

I hit the read and review button again and got chapter 22 this time. At least I recognize this character - Sabrina.

there is a lot of telling going on. I'm wondering if you can expand some of the scene to make them come alive. Where is she? What is she doing as she talks? Give her some direction to help develop the character beyond the conversation itself.

I also found it odd that the parents were given names. Can they just be her mom and her dad? I adds a lot of names into the mix and sometimes her mom or her dad will suffice.

I also noticed this kind of sentence in each of the three chapters I have read: That said, Julia felt uneasy.

Please remember this is only my opinion and this is not a genre I would normally read. I am also trying to follow a chapter of a story without the benefit of reading them in order.

I wish you good luck with your story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .