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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4773508
Review #4773508
Viewing a review of:
 Leaving Home Open in new Window. [E]
Leaving home can be heart wrenching
by Espero Author Icon
Review of Leaving Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Cubby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.*CakeP*


*Tulipp* Greetings, Espero! I am reviewing this because I am part of the WdC Anniversary Team. *Smile* Happy 8th WDC Anniversary!

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you and leave the rest.

*Tulipo* The Positives/What I Liked

         *Bulletv* I enjoyed this piece of conversation between two people, one of which is leaving home for a while. I noticed this was a contest entry along with an assignment. I hope you did well! *Smile*
         *Bulletg* The visuals are great. You've done a nice job of showing vs telling.
         *Bulletp* I have two favorites in this piece:
Jason stared at her, his big brown eyes saying what words could not.
and
She grabbed his hand and brought it to her lips.


*Tulipo* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         I have just a few nitpicky suggestions:
*Bullet* words could not . *Right* words could not. Omit the space before the period. *Wink*
*Bullet* the one she saw each morning *Right* Example: the one she woke up to each morning Perhaps use a stronger verb than 'saw.'

*Tulipo* Final Thoughts

         I'm curious if you ever used this piece of conversation in a story. The dialogue is realistic. Nice work!

         Once again, Happy 8th WdC Account Anniversary! May you have many more. *Smile*

*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window.*SuitHeart*

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/04/2024 @ 7:31am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4773508