Hi Max,

This is a wonderful chapter. The chapter opens with Toby showering and seeming to be preparing for the rest of the night. The reader is wondering what Toby has in mind to do. They will read on to find out. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. The reader is completely pulled into the intense emotion and violence of the chapter. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is fast pace but still allows the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:


1)No john was going to fuck with his head.-Should read "No way John was going to fuck with his head."

The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.