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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4772902
Review #4772902
Viewing a review of:
  Flash fiction and short poems Open in new Window. [E]
Some contest entries for Daily Flash Fiction.
by jaya Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "The Terrible Heat" Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

It's hot in the Sultan's Arab country to he goes to the science council looking for ways to beat the heat.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

Cloud seeding is not the smartest way to "beat the heat." I did like the Sultan. He was a very relatable character.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 3rd person omniscent. Past tense is used in the story.

*Star*DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star*OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph sets up the dilemma - how is the Sultan going to beat the heat? The opening engages the reader and keeps them reading.


*Star*CHARACTERS

The Sultan is the main character and you can feel his concern for his country. Habib is the guy who mixes the chemicals. I liked his work ethic.


*Star*FLOW & PACING

The opening set up the problem, the middle set on a solution and end wasn't for everyone. Well done.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

The title fits the story. This story was inspired what happened earlier to "certain desert country." earlier in the year. It's a light read, but the ending should give the reader pause to think about the consequences of intentional cloud seeding. The word count was listed in the dropnote and the prompt was was highlighted in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Glowing Steph
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/02/2024 @ 9:52am EDT
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