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 Review #4772783 |
 | Forty Words  [E] A condensation of thought upon the prompt  |
| (5.0)   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary H❀pe ,This has a lot going for it from the narrative tone, using the image of a clock, employing a musical quality, the expression of its sounds as lullaby with that bit of personification. You drop in an inner rhyme and then have the surprise ending. The following caught my attention and was noted in this read as a moment of adjustment in speaker tone to sooth a reader: "It is such a restful sound, a lullaby beat. It might surely lure me to sleep..." You continue after that, feeling the presence like a parent helping a child drift off, reminding of bed time routine and story books read to me, conjuring a nostalgic theme. It’s pleasing to consider and gives a laugh. Your opening narration, direct to reader first commands and directs attention to the clock and images to include its wonderful, mechanical, controlled sound of tick-tocking, as it even soothes a reader. What a great set-up to allow that contrasting moment. What’s working well is that it’s a little bit story and poem, could function as prose poetry. This grabs me with the brief, direct approach to consider and find oneself in a story scene limited to 40 words. Imagine what you could do by adding more to fill out that scene. The short form here works, but with a good story and that need for pacing, who knows? In fact, it can act as a vignette. Instead of talking as if to a reader, it’d be dialogue to a visitor/friend discovering this space with the tall clock. That way, a little bit of commentary could end scene to add that takeaway with surprise. We know the clock chimes, as its timing in the story could interrupt the speaker getting through the description of the clock before startled. I think of sitcom lines at this point, like: ‘and then it does that…every fifteen minutes," and/or "You don’t want a nap here at noon.’ I’m having fun plowing through these short pieces, but limited by time. I've grabbed this one for respond and did what I could with feedback. I hope I can return to this little garden of words. I can inspire and motive the writer in me with the short, framed works that could come spilling forth and giving me new ideas on how to approach fiction and other works. This little story definitely helps me focus, stay sharp for clues and reminders as a writer. Sincerely, Brian WDC Account Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/02/2024 @ 4:07pm EDT