Hi ThePenMage,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering how Nikki will find a way out of Eldoria. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a young girl who finds herself transported into the world of the fantasy story. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The story concentrates on Nikki, and she comes across as a real person. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:


1)beautiful but unfamiliar land.-"but unfamiliar" should be surrounded by commas.

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.