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 Review #4771602 |
| (4.5)| Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
 My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. INSPIRATIONThis story was inspired by the prompt, "Fast Car" performed by Tracey Chapman and Luke Combs. To judge the contest, I watched the video prompt and took away the following: The performance was soulful, moody, honest, and raw. The song itself spoke of wanting more for one's life, looking for that break, and finding peace. I'm looking for similar qualities and emotions.  THE STORYMickey and May have a rough upbringing. Once they're adults will they break the cycle?  WHAT I LIKEDI liked the ending and how it ended on a hopeful note. Hope is a powerful emotion and a catalyst for change and that's what I think the story tapped into here. Also, there's that element of "peace" at the end which helped to nail the ending.  POV NARRATION/TENSEThis is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. DIALOGUEThere's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue. FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "You look tired, honey." Mickey noted, as his wife entered the apartment. MY SUGGESTION: May walked in and ran a hand through her hair. "You look tired, honey." Mickey offered her a small smile as he laid on the couch, baby Joe on his chest. DESCRIPTIONSThere's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Suddenly there it was and May's eyes widened when she saw the abandoned, rusty, pink Cadillac." This is a great visual that harkens back to a more successful time, shows how the area has fallen, and yet still builds friendship as two young kids find the car. SETTINGTIME: modern day PLACE: urban setting This is something that is clarified for the reader. CHARACTERSMay and Mickey Both come from tattered households, each having to grow up faster than anticipated due to their household situation, and yet, they learn at an early age they can count on each other.  MECHANICSI did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make it easier on the eyes. DID I SEE THE INSPIRATION?  PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONSThe opening intrigues the reader. I thought story was honest and raw, similar elements I took away from Chapman's and Comb's performance of "Fast Car." In fact, the story could be the plot of the song. The title is the same as the song and if anything, I thought "Old Pink Cadillac" or "Rusty Pink Cadillac" might be a better fit as there are plenty of links within the story to "Fast Car" the song. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest. An Angel Army Review
 
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You responded to this review 08/27/2024 @ 7:08am EDT