%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4771596 |
 | Silent Witness  [13+] A car's testimony of a flawed relationship... 1st in Rhythms and Writing July ‘24  |
| (4.5)| Hello, I'm ScaryBee and I am reviewing your story for
 My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. INSPIRATIONThis story was inspired by the prompt, "Fast Car" performed by Tracey Chapman and Luke Combs. To judge the contest, I watched the video prompt and took away the following: The performance was soulful, moody, honest, and raw. The song itself spoke of wanting more for one's life, looking for that break, and finding peace. I'm looking for similar qualities and emotions.  THE STORYLuke gets a new car and takes off with Tracy, but somehow that promise of a new life, free from restrictions only seems to haunt them.  WHAT I LIKEDI really enjoyed how the story was told - from the car's point of view.  POV NARRATION/TENSEThis is told in the first person by the car. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. DIALOGUEDialogue accents the narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue. FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "How have you been?" he asked, his voice low and gentle as he navigated those nasty potholes. MY SUGGESTION: Luke navigated the nasty potholes. "How have you been?" His voice was low and gentle. DESCRIPTIONSThere's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "I trembled from grille to tailpipe with suppressed energy." As a reader, I felt the thrill and excitement of not only buying a new car but being one as well. SETTINGTIME: modern day PLACE: urban setting This is something that is clarified for the reader. CHARACTERSLuke and Tracy There's enough here to understand Tracy's motivations. It's time to get out and start a new life. As for Luke, it was really sad to see what happened to him. MECHANICSI did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make easier on the eyes to read. DID I SEE THE INSPIRATION?  PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONSThe opening intrigues the reader and does a good job setting up the anticipation the story would bring. The character's names are a nice rift on Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs and felt natural to the story. I thought story was honest and raw, similar elements I took away from Chapman's and Comb's performance of "Fast Car." The title is a nice fit for the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest. An Angel Army Review
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You responded to this review 08/28/2024 @ 3:10pm EDT