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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4771596
Review #4771596
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Silent Witness Open in new Window. [13+]
A car's testimony of a flawed relationship... 1st in Rhythms and Writing July ‘24
by Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Author Icon
Review of Silent Witness  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, I'm StephBee Author IconMail Icon and I am reviewing your story for
 
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Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Idea* INSPIRATION

This story was inspired by the prompt, "Fast Car" performed by Tracey Chapman and Luke Combs. To judge the contest, I watched the video prompt and took away the following: The performance was soulful, moody, honest, and raw. The song itself spoke of wanting more for one's life, looking for that break, and finding peace. I'm looking for similar qualities and emotions.

*Reading* THE STORY

Luke gets a new car and takes off with Tracy, but somehow that promise of a new life, free from restrictions only seems to haunt them.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I really enjoyed how the story was told - from the car's point of view.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the car. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

Dialogue accents the narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "How have you been?" he asked, his voice low and gentle as he navigated those nasty potholes.

MY SUGGESTION: Luke navigated the nasty potholes. "How have you been?" His voice was low and gentle.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "I trembled from grille to tailpipe with suppressed energy." As a reader, I felt the thrill and excitement of not only buying a new car but being one as well.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Luke and Tracy

There's enough here to understand Tracy's motivations. It's time to get out and start a new life. As for Luke, it was really sad to see what happened to him.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make easier on the eyes to read.

*Star*DID I SEE THE INSPIRATION? *CheckGr* *CheckGr*

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader and does a good job setting up the anticipation the story would bring. The character's names are a nice rift on Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs and felt natural to the story. I thought story was honest and raw, similar elements I took away from Chapman's and Comb's performance of "Fast Car." The title is a nice fit for the story.

Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/28/2024 @ 3:10pm EDT
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