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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4771595
Review #4771595
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Contest Entries by Mouse Open in new Window. [18+]
A place to encourage me to enter more contests
by Mouse says gobble gobble Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Let Me GoOpen in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, I'm StephBee Author IconMail Icon and I am reviewing your story for
 
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Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Idea* INSPIRATION

This story was inspired by the prompt, "Fast Car" performed by Tracey Chapman and Luke Combs. To judge the contest, I watched the video prompt and took away the following: The performance was soulful, moody, honest, and raw. The song itself spoke of wanting more for one's life, looking for that break, and finding peace. I'm looking for similar qualities and emotions.

*Reading* THE STORY

A drifter is ready to move on, but will he stay and do the right thing?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the end was heart-wrenching and really tugged on the reader's emotions.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient from Julie's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The story is mostly dialogue. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Dan was under the hood of his black Chevy Impala. He swore and threw the wrench." This is really the only piece of scene setting and it puts the reader in the moment.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified enough for the reader, as their imagination will do the rest.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Dan and Julie

There's enough here to understand their motivations. Julie has fallen in love with Dan, but he's a drifter and it's time for him to move on.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything check the following line: "So we leave state."

I think it should be: "So, we leave the state."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening piques the reader's interest. I thought story was honest and raw, similar elements I took away from Chapman's and Comb's performance of "Fast Car." The title is appropriate for the contest. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

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