Hi Averren,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is filled with anxiety. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if Mark's incessant inquiries will annoy Chloe. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a woman who, after losing a family member, is concerned about someone's almost obsessive interest in her family. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across a few structural issues that need your attention:


1)I definitely don't want to add to her problems right now, but could you at least keep me updated on how she's doing?"-This needs to begin with quotation marks.

2)"OK, I'll wait, he said.-Should read-"Ok, I'll wait," he said.

3)"Where ya going,"-This should end with a question mark.

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.