%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4770610 |
| (5.0)    HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary Mitch A review of your poem, "If Been." Challenge accepted.  I didn't really think I'd comment on this complex-ish poem with the IFs and the BEENs of it all. Or, if I could sort it all out. But then, when I got to the end, a funny notion arriving with, 'BEENing begins'. The last line then says, ‘IFing too long’. First thought was, doesn't it get a second 'F' (IFFing?) before I thought, NO! It should be, "I have been Fing too long in the rain!"  I'm sure you'd note the humor, may have considered. On first glance, "If Been" seems punny with its construct to use two parts of speech as integral motivators of a surreal and metaphoric take the speaker uses to express notions this reader had to consume. I was hooked, wondered if this is nonsense or does the poet have something at work with the IFs and the BEENs and how the two relate to thoughts and memories with water imagery. Some trouble getting traction. Could we be philosophical, with waiting too long, or settling for something? The two messages showed some contrast as different sides of a coin. It seemed along the way I could make a case for this poem. I’m learning through adept use of imagery a cyclical nature of life and our thoughts. The poem gives me interplay of memory, choice, and the weight of one's past. The water imagery, specifically rain, is the vehicle for the poem’s expressions. The repeated use of "IFs" and "BEENs" -- important to the voice, show how these contemplations move through experience, and consider one's own life pursuits or the idle decay. Most noticeable about this is the water imagery. You have metaphors of rain, drops, and splatters that act effectively to show thoughts falling on the speaker's consciousness. Rain can symbolize cleansing but also be a burden which was a nice contrast, mirroring how thoughts about what could have been (IFs) and what has already happened (BEENs) can both give hope or worry. The imagery is like the emotional weight of memories with the rain sensation, adding to how thoughts and memories move through us. The IFs and BEENs: I struggled to find distinction between "IFs" and "BEENs,” yet each seem to represent the difference between potential and reality, or future versus the past. Your poem suggests dwelling on past choices or "BEENs" are the alternative to "IFs", which could trap one into a cycle, unable to move forward from likely self doubt. I sense this frustration playing out creates anxiety over missed opportunities and the influence of past actions on present circumstances. Both perspective and the notion of "waltzing these ceaseless circles" is like finding it hard to break free from the cycle. And here were learn, experience comes from this process to show that the past can inform the present. I wasn’t getting simplicity, as I pondered for a bit about what you expressed. Existentialism playing out here for one who must make decisions about waiting or settling? The "IFs" and "BEENs," seem vital to carrying this message forward. How each plays off the other most readers will find difficult to explore and consider existential themes. I had to wonder if this was a clever title. "If Been" is a clever play on words. It acts as the essence of the poem, with the hypotheticals and existential. It should cause readers to get the weight of these ponderings about past and future, making it a compelling entry, wading into deeper meanings. The water imagery helps conceive the concepts of the poem. "IF" and "BEEN" being almost personified as choice to represent the complexity of memory, regret and our tendency to dwell on the nature of our regrets -- like sliding door scenarios. Rather than confusing, the poem structure with it’s theme can help others reflect on how we relate to our own missed opportunities. Now, I can't suggest anything for improvement. But, I would ask, could you make it easier next time? Phew! Think I'll hang up my brain for the night. I'm a bit woozy and the room's a-spinnin'.   Congrats on another year, Brian WDC Account Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.