Hi Jawaz,

This is a wonderful piece. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. It tells the reader very little about what the piece is actually about. They are intrigued and will begin to read immediately to find out more. You launch into piece without introduction or preamble. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the topic and the piece. They will read to the last word. You have written about someone you know who had a very tragic life. I am very sorry for the pain his loss as caused you. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making the piece tedious. You use an emotional style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.