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Review #4769045
Viewing a review of:
 Episode 1 - A box changed my fate   [E]
story of Ryuk, a boy whose life takes a mysterious turn when he discovers a strange box
by Ryyth
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Ryyth, and welcome to writing.com!

I think I'll try reviewing each chapter separately for you as I read them... I remember reading this story in its earlier incarnation and being unsure of how to approach advising you on it.

Your beginning is vivid, drawing us in quickly and portraying the difficult, lonely world of the main character. We see the schoolyard, the bullies, the mysterious dreams, and the chance for a major turning point ends this opening chapter quite well.

I'm proud of you for letting us know how you've crafted the story, originally in your native language and then using AI to translate and share it with us while you improve your English skills. It would be dishonest to let us assume this is how you write, and we would waste time pointing out little flaws in grammatical presentation.

As it stands, this is a great opening. From what I remember, I think your MC (main character) also had a difficult home life, with an abusive father and perhaps a missing mother. You could include elements of this in the opening as a foreshadowing of twists to come and also as an emphasis of how truly miserable and hopeless he feels his life is.

I look forward to reading the other chapters and finding out what happens next; you've improved the flow of the plot since I last read it, and it's becoming a tense and exciting tale with lots of potential for growth.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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