Hi Walker,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of disbelief and confusion. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering how Noemi and her mother will cope with the death of her father. They will read to the last word to find out. In the story, a girl has to deal with the death her parents. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:


1)“Rest now. I’ll be close by. If you need anything, press this button,” Zoé says. If something happens, I won’t press it.
“Okay, alright, huh,” I respond, feeling a bit easier, maybe they gave me something to calm me down...-These are two separate paragraphs and need to be double spaced.

2)You have switched from the past to the present tense abruptly. You should remember to keep your tense consistent to keep your writing clear for your reader.

The story is consistent in terms of point of view. Great job.