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 Review #4768058 |
 | Aftermath of War  [E] Older work written as a fantasy piece, but the real world situation isn't much different.  |
| (4.5)| I'm reviewing you as a member of  "The WDC Angel Army" . With an eye toward new talent on Writing.com, I hope my review helps welcome and shed light on "newbies" like you... Dear Rishi ,I hadn't noted you were a new member until I finished reading your poem for feedback. I was impressed with your handle on language and the progression this poem takes to finish. Sadly, I had visions of the current war or wars that are weakening hope. This poem is wrought with images that contrast the rhyming theatre in which your have portrayed our words to a reader. I found this poem on the read and review page. My review will be shorter than usual due to the time constraint and hope that it will suffice as feedback for the poet. By the time we got to 'palace' and 'king' I felt this was a bit more fantasy and fictionalized. The genres are philosophy, political and war. I do see the title line with mention of it as a former fantasy piece. I should have noted. Time restraint factor, I guess. The poem has a great cadence and flow to start with the stark depictions of the aftermath of war, sets up visually and puts a reader in the scene and can carry the vision forward. What's unfortunate is this may have gone on too long and could be boiled down to the elements a stanza or two less to the outcomes. It seemed difficult to keep up the great rhythm and rhyming nature of the write. You do portray in natural order events, though do not give many specifics on what they strike as deal, trade for, etc. I'm curious what prompts this and what it takes to resolve. The statement that realization began of 'what they had paid' was already a given, unless it was about the deal struck. It struck me as something that could be given consideration in first or second verse to lead to the negotiations that end war. Otherwise, the outcome and factor upon loved ones would have that realization, and perhaps this is transition into relating those final depictions. However, when we get to the end, it feels glossed a bit. Could give a reader more revelation about these losses, the heartbreak to fully feel the message this poem sends. I think you've done a great job and see potential in this poem. I would ordinarily take more time to consider and give my thoughts more context without the read and review time contraints. This is a worthy poem and have been pleased to consider and lend what thoughts and reactions I've had to it. Hope I may find time to find more of your work and words in another way, another time, on this expansive writing community. Enjoy your time here. Brian WDC Newbie and Angel Army Reviewer   If you interested and reading and reviewing for this group, click the banner to learn more.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/06/2024 @ 1:13pm EDT