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Review #4767451
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My Favorite Summer  [E]
Short short story. Summer love for kids staying with relatives while school's out.
by Waiting in the Pumpkin Patch
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings,

This is an interesting and classic story which was a poignant pleasure to read. I liked the innocence of the tone and the understanding that this summer friendship was a love of the purer kind with close chaperoning. Usually when we have a “coming of age” type romance it quickly descends into… you know.

Your descriptions are enough to set the scenes well, allowing us to use our imaginations to fill in the details. I felt excitement about the budding relationship, and was quite saddened along with Jim and Lou when they had to part early on such a heartbreaking note.

I felt as though the story ends too abruptly with poor Jim staring after the disappearing car. It begins as a reminiscence, yet we don’t have a corresponding ending. Something along the lines of “I never saw Lou again after that,” or “we met again years later,” might give more satisfaction or closure. I also don’t understand why you call it a “short short story” in the subtitle; that feels like a waste of words, especially since this isn’t particularly short, such as a 300 word flash fiction . It appears to be about 1000-1400 words, and might in fact benefit from a word count at the top of the item. Also, since presumably the contest you wrote it for is long since over with, I would recommend adding a third relevant genre such as “Nature,” “Family,” “Relationship,” or “Emotional.” This would help people find the story when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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