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Review #4767410
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The Revolving Green Door  [13+]
An opportunity of murder leads to an opportunity of murder.
by Troyizen
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow… you have a knack for painting a dark and moody story with few and cryptic words. Pardon me for connecting random dots, but I can’t help being reminded of an Imagine Dragons song which just dropped last month, Gods Don’t Pray. Your theme, which appears to imply a son murdering his father, is similar to the wild historical fiction scenario I dreamed up to fill in what I feel about the song. Remember, a definition of a “god” is “one who holds the power of life and death in their hands…”

Your words are carefully chosen; this perhaps limits the ability to fully express what’s going on, due to a strict rhyme scheme, but we get enough of a surrealistic impression to leave us feeling uneasy. The meter is balanced and flows well, building on itself and utilizing repetition of the opening to end, creating a haunting sense of what we can’t decide is karma or something else.

A suggestion would be to add some background details, but I dislike telling people to fiddle with their poetry, especially when it rhymes. This is tidy and well done, with large clear font. I would, however, suggest filling in a third relevant genre, because it helps people find your item when browsing and also facilitates the nomination for as many Quill Awards as possible. I would recommend “Psychological” or “Thriller/Suspense” or “Drama” or “Crime/Gangster.” Those are all popular genres, so you’ll get views *Smile*

A creepy read, but I liked it. On a closer perusal, it seems to imply falling or being pushed down the stairs, which brings the scene around full circle quite well. Reads like a scary movie.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing!

*Gemv* *Angel*


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