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Review #4767232
Viewing a review of:
 WHO ARE YOU  Open in new Window. [18+]
Hi, I'm new to writing. I would appreciate reading your feedback so I can improve.
by Why Author Icon
Review of WHO ARE YOU  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Why,

This is a wonderful chapter. The chapter opens with a woman seeing a dead body. The reader is wondering where it came from. They will read on to find out. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. They are completely pulled into the anxiety the woman is feeling as she contemplates what she has done. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:

1)She swallows a big chunk of saliva down her throat,-'swallows" should be "swallowed".

2)You have neglected to either double space or indent between paragraphs. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.

The characterization is fully developed and believable. The chapter concentrates on the girl in the bathroom, and she comes across as a real person. Great job.

The WDC Army Angels
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